1. |
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Ah, there is music!
To open one’s mouth
In praise of… anything…
To utter the sounds
That describe one’s soul
When words fail.
That is God’s gift to us.
To open one’s mouth
In keening sorrow
To utter the bleak places
To sing the screaming in us
When screaming will not do
That is God’s gift.
The descent into hell began
When I forgot what music was.
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2. |
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The devil came to me one day, and said
“sing for me”
I sang because I love to sing.
The devil heard my voice, and in it the
promise that God made to me
And the devil made a promise of his own.
The same promise he has given for time
out of time.
Riches, and fame, and all those things
which strike some ill-begotten note in us.
These things which seem to call to us.
“Just this once.”
“It will do not harm.”
But what the devil was promising was
to destroy God’s promise.
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3. |
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In the heart of darkness
When there exists nothing
But shadow
And sorrow
When what you see
Is what you must believe
Because it is all you have
When the devil,
By whatever name,
Has finally convinced you
That God is dead, and music is meaningless
You are in Hell.
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4. |
IV - Intermezzo
06:13
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Close your eyes my sparrow.
Do not cry any more
Look out over the water
And watch the waves crash to the shore
Then smile and feel the rhythm
Of the wind that blows before you,
Then turn to me for comfort
And do not cry any more.
I will sing to you,
I will sing to you,
I will sing to you,
I will open up my mouth and
Pour out the contents of my heart
I will sing to you,
I will sing to you, O.
And if you feel sorrow
And need someone to care for you
I hope you will learn from me
That I am always there for you
In your darkest hour,
Your burdens will I take for you
My lantern I shall lift
And light the path I make for you
And
I will sing to you,
I will open up my mouth and
Pour out the sorrow in my heart
I will sing to you
I will sing to you, O.
Now lift your eyes from darkness
And place your foot upon the road
Take my hand and walk with me
Come and let me share your load
Sing with me in joy
And feel the wind that blows before you
Turn to me for comfort
And do not cry any more.
I will sing to you,
I will open up my mouth and
pour out the joy in my heart
I will sing to you,
I will sing to you, O.
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5. |
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But that was one voice,
singing alone,
Outside of the nearer insanity of voices
Babbling, chittering,
Screaming, laughing,
There beside me in the darkness of hell.
The devil still stood beside me
And whispered lies in my ears.
The Prince of Lies.
Giving with his words
And taking with his hands
Giving with his hands
And taking with his words.
Giving once
Taking twice
Taking thrice
Taking
Taking
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6. |
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If I am to die today,
If this is my appointed hour,
I wonder:
Will God still be watching?
Or has he truly turned his back,
Giving me up for lost
Dr. Faustus, I know your dilemma:
When the devil has been at you,
You trust no one.
Not even God.
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7. |
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There!
A beacon of light,
A needle,
A shaft.
Do I imagine it?
Have my eyes
Succumbed to lies
As well?
No!
There is another.
Even in the pit
The darkness is not total.
There is a single,
narrow path.
Is that it?
Or has the Prince of Lies
been up to his tricks again?
Creating hope where there
can be no hope.
Allowing belief
and then destroying it.
I will watch some more.
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8. |
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Send your mother away,
said he.
Do not speak to your father,
said he.
You can trust no one, he said,
but me.
I will protect you,
said he.
You are only safe in darkness,
said he.
You cannot leave now, he snarled.
You
owe
me
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9. |
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The time has come to leave this place
Truth has defeated the dark one again
His true nature is revealed
His words become nothing
The laugh of a hyena
The mindless cackle of a toothless beggar.
But fear remains,
A subtle companion.
Bury me, Lord, as you yourself were buried.
For three days let him think me gone
Until freedom becomes a habit
And terror only a dark memory;
Then shall I stand in sunlight,
The only shadow the shade of your wings.
For he remains
Lurking, brooding.
He conspires in his darkness, his sunless cavern
Trying even now to lay a trap
Which would shutter in shadow all that is good.
Scheming, twisting;
This time he has failed.
This time
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10. |
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But still the devil followed me
With claws around my throat
There, in summer sun
I read the contract that he wrote
My heart was frozen hard in fear
Again he showed his skill:
“I own those things you hold most dear,
to do with as I will.”
Then opened I my mouth to sing
Alone beside the water
And still he sniggered in my soul
“But you are Satan’s daughter.”
That quiet voice, that vicious whisper
Echoed, sneaking, in my head;
Where once I sang the angels’ songs
Now croaked the voice of the dead.
“Thief,” cried I, “I want it back!”
But Thief would only mutter.
He said, “Come take it if you can!
I’ll destroy each note you utter.”
I held the contract in the sun
And prayed that God would take it,
But Satan said, “You broke God’s gift
And you cannot remake it.”
I took a breath to sing again,
To shut out Satan’s words;
And from my own mouth came a voice
Which only once I’d heard…
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11. |
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… I will sing to you
I will open up my mouth
And pour out the sorrow in my heart.
I will sing to you,
I will sing to you, O.
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12. |
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|
Last night I had a dream:
I lived in an old house
On a graceful old hill
Overlooking a graceful old city.
My friend and I raced
Through all the rooms
Opening up doors and windows
To let in as much light as we could.
At the top of this house was a door
That led to the roof
Where we could sit and drink coffee,
Where we could watch the sun set
From the graceful old hill
Overlooking the graceful old city.
Exploring further
I followed steps down to a mysterious corner
Where a mysterious door,
Dust-covered, unused,
Nearly rusted shut,
Beckoned to be opened.
“Another door!”
thought I.
“Perhaps there is more light behind it.”
I opened the mysterious door
To a great old dusty space
Which – better and better! –
Opened onto a dusty tiled terrace.
There was more light
Here in this mysterious hidden room.
And, o! when I took a broom
To sweep away the dust
From this long-forgotten room
I found
His severed head
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13. |
XIII - Now face the east
03:29
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Now face the east
Stand in the light of
the rising sun
And know the peace
of morning
The coming of a new day
Joy at beginnings
Not sorrow at endings
Avalon lies west
And it is too soon to go there
That is for the ending of your days
And not before
Now is the time to
Look for new things
To inhale the scent of spring
To cast off the pall
Of darkness
Open your arms to the warmth
Of a new day.
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14. |
XIV - Finale
01:17
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Ah, there is music!
I open my mouth
In praise of… everything…
I utter the sounds
That describe my soul
Where words fail.
This is my offering to God.
I open my mouth
In keening sorrow
And utter the bleak places
I sing the screaming in me
when screaming will not do
This is my offering.
The descent into hell is over
I remember what music is
And I am come home.
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15. |
XV - Coda
03:19
|
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Why do you wear these scars?
Because the devil touched me
And I lived to tell the tale.
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Rebekkah Hilgraves Asheville, North Carolina
Rebekkah Hilgraves was born in Washington, D.C. and now makes her home in Los Angeles. She began training seriously for a vocal career at an early age. She also began broadcasting at WNIU in DeKalb, continuing in broadcasting, commercial and industrial voice-over work in several major markets in the years since. Currently she hosts a weekly program on RadioSpiral.net called The Edges of Dreaming. ... more
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